the blessings never stop, and i feel ingrateful worrying about money.

we've been here before, and while the move itself will clean out the savings that i'd hoped might be a cushion for mum, i also know that this place will be much less expensive, and that the few months between my vacation and the permanent move to australia should allow that cushion to be built back up at least partially. if i can get a visa that allows full time work, then i really have nothing to worry about.

its getting that visa is my next serious concern. well, God has been so awesome, so wonderful and so good to us that it seems like a real failing in faith to worry.

i still think back to that quote that chittister offered in her book on the rule of st. benedict, the one about the rabbi who couldn't sleep if there was a single penny in the house; but when he was utterly destitute he slept well because he knew he was at the complete mercy of the Lord.

maybe these financial struggles really are a test of faith - God's way of teaching me to trust Him, because i can be a very slow learner. He put me through hell with aj to teach me to trust Him before sending me bruce; maybe i do learn best through pain and anxiety.

wow. i need a better learning paradigm!