expectations
the way a man's friends treat him is the most important indicator of his character, i think.
to see bruce's friends spoil him rotten, and to hear them express cheerful regret that he isn't around more often for them to spoil him delights and thrills me; and in all honesty makes me all the more eager to spoil him rotten myself. the regard and esteem and affection in which he is held doesn't surprise me one bit, but it is always so good to see people that really know him cherish and care for him as much as i do.
in class today, going over the marriage prep course, the point was made about "expectations", and how the greatest pain in any marriage is over unmet expectations. we spoke about expectations known & met; expectations known & unmet and expectations unknown and unmet. merv gave us all a pointed look and told us, that for the sake of our own marriages, to make any and all expectations known as they occur to us, and gave us an example of a key quirk in his own marriage was not mentioning that he expected his wife to iron his shirts, and his wife - having spent her life ironing her father and brother's shirts - expected never to iron another shirt again.
so i think this would be a good time to tie the two ideas together.
i expect to be able to spoil him without anyone giving me any attitude about female emancipation. there is a huge difference between being a nurturer and being a servant, and the more i know him, the more i look forward to taking care of him and making his life pleasant, easy and a joy; to making him look forward to coming home every night.
but i also i expect monogamy. it is what i offer, and what i need to feel secure in a relationship. its been proven over and over again that for me, that once that most basic trust is broken, the relationship is over; and i know that for myself, there is no going back. ever.
i expect him to make the rules around raising josh very, very clear so that i am able to respect and uphold them. that is one area i don't ever want to be in a position to guess in.
i expect the lines of communication to be kept open, especially in difficult situations; and i expect the integrity and honesty that matters so much to both of us to continue to matter so much to both of us.
i expect that he would help me to understand what pleases him, and what annoys him, so that i can spend my life pleasing him and avoid annoying him.
and i expect him to make his expectations clear to me as well; and that we can make that an ongoing process between us.
he is a wonderful, amazing man - and i know this sort of process is an integral part of managing, growing and strengthening this amazing gift we've been given. this love truly is a gift from God, but the hard work is ours.
and i, for one, cannot wait.
to see bruce's friends spoil him rotten, and to hear them express cheerful regret that he isn't around more often for them to spoil him delights and thrills me; and in all honesty makes me all the more eager to spoil him rotten myself. the regard and esteem and affection in which he is held doesn't surprise me one bit, but it is always so good to see people that really know him cherish and care for him as much as i do.
in class today, going over the marriage prep course, the point was made about "expectations", and how the greatest pain in any marriage is over unmet expectations. we spoke about expectations known & met; expectations known & unmet and expectations unknown and unmet. merv gave us all a pointed look and told us, that for the sake of our own marriages, to make any and all expectations known as they occur to us, and gave us an example of a key quirk in his own marriage was not mentioning that he expected his wife to iron his shirts, and his wife - having spent her life ironing her father and brother's shirts - expected never to iron another shirt again.
so i think this would be a good time to tie the two ideas together.
i expect to be able to spoil him without anyone giving me any attitude about female emancipation. there is a huge difference between being a nurturer and being a servant, and the more i know him, the more i look forward to taking care of him and making his life pleasant, easy and a joy; to making him look forward to coming home every night.
but i also i expect monogamy. it is what i offer, and what i need to feel secure in a relationship. its been proven over and over again that for me, that once that most basic trust is broken, the relationship is over; and i know that for myself, there is no going back. ever.
i expect him to make the rules around raising josh very, very clear so that i am able to respect and uphold them. that is one area i don't ever want to be in a position to guess in.
i expect the lines of communication to be kept open, especially in difficult situations; and i expect the integrity and honesty that matters so much to both of us to continue to matter so much to both of us.
i expect that he would help me to understand what pleases him, and what annoys him, so that i can spend my life pleasing him and avoid annoying him.
and i expect him to make his expectations clear to me as well; and that we can make that an ongoing process between us.
he is a wonderful, amazing man - and i know this sort of process is an integral part of managing, growing and strengthening this amazing gift we've been given. this love truly is a gift from God, but the hard work is ours.
and i, for one, cannot wait.
posted by AMackid at 6:25 AM
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