my sweet bruce

i love my husband so very, very much. there are moments it takes my breath away.

long, wonderful mornings spent together leave me with the most potent mix of feelings:

joy, that this wonderful, delicious man is the other half of my life

humility, that such an amazing man would choose to spend his life with me

delight, in his company - the delight of hearing his thoughts, his ideas, his insight, his amazing intuition where God, music, faith, sex, science, family and relationships are involved.

love, oh so much love.....

desire, the fact is that my husband isn't just a cute boy, he is an incredibly sexy man

admiration, as each time we talk, make love, study scripture, debate, or just get gooey with one another, i see more and more in him to admire and respect

melancholy, as each morning i wake up without him beside me brings with it a sadness and an emptiness that weighs around my heart like an anchor

hunger, the need to feel him near me is a physical sense of privation - the lack of his immediate presence translates into an emptiness that only his nearness can fill

need, i know there is some culturally ingrained antipathy to "needing" your partner, but it is very different if you need them because you are unable to function without their input; and the need that is the core knowledge that they enrich you, fill you, are so much a part of you, that their absence leaves a gap in you. this is how i need bruce: he enriches my life in a way i never want to lose, but he does not define its outer edges.

resoluteness, as i try to slap some sense into me and remind myself that it is a matter of weeks, at most, that separates us

longing, it is a poignant and painful emotion, and yet, if i didn't love and want him so much, i wouldn't long for him so totally....